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The Great Coffee Heist
Authors' Note: This story is written by both FossilsDaDaDa and PeaceLoveAgentP. The character Jessie belongs to Fossy, and the character Bobbi belongs to PLAP. Scene 1 Scene opens in the living room with Phineas, Ferb and Candace. Phineas is holding the telephone to his ear. Phineas: Hi Mom! Linda (through the phone): Hi Phineas. How are you doing? Phineas: Great. How's Fresno? Linda: Very, very slow. I'm at the convention and it is significantly different than the brochure. Scene changes to the convention showing a dismal gray enviornment with a few people. Phineas: I'm sorry to hear that. Hey, can we have a few friends over tonight? Linda: You mean the same way Candace did last summer? Phineas: No, of course not! We--er, Candace--have learned from that mistake. No more than seven guests. Promise. Linda: Oh, okay. Oh, gotta go. I think I see a lamp from 1934! Phineas sets the phone down. Candace stares at him. Candace: Well? Phineas: She said "yes"! Candace jumped in the air letting out a "whoop" as Bobbi and Jessie walk in. Jessie: What's going on? Candace: We're gonna have a party! Uh-huh! Oh yeah! Phineas: It's not a party. We're just inviting a few friends over. No more than two each. Ferb: I'll invite Buford and Baljeet. Phineas: I've got Isabella and Irving! Candace: Guess I'll invite Stacy and Jeremy. Jessie: I don't know who I'll invite. Bobbi: That's okay. I never had any friends. Besides, I believe I heard Phineas say "no more than seven guests". Phineas: Then it's settled. I'll send the guests the emails. Candace: This is going to be the best not-party in the history of parties! Candace dances out. Phineas: I need Jeremy and Stacy's email addresses! Candace: Whatever! Phineas:...Interesting. Scene 2 Phineas is on his computer and Bobbi, Jessie, and Ferb are watching him. Phineas: Aaaaaand...send. There! I expect a reply by-- A ding comes from the computer. Bobbi: Were you going to say "now"? Phineas: No. Hey, everyone replied! Oh, Stacy's asking if she can bring a date... Jessie: I'm sure it'll be fine. We sent an invitation to six people, then we add another... that's seven. Phineas: Okay, I'll tell her she can, but only the one guy. I wonder who it is. CANDACE! IS STACY DATING ANYONE? Candace (off screen): NO! Phineas: Huh. So, who's gonna take care of snacks and drinks? Phineas turns over to Ferb and the girls. Jessie (in Ferb's mind): You wanna do that? Ferb (in Jessie's mind): Yeah. I don't wanna brag, but I can make mean cucumber sandwiches. Jessie (in Ferb's mind): Fascinating. I got drinks. Bobbi: I think Jessie and Ferb have got refreshments covered. Jessie: Hey! You promised you wouldn't read my mind when I'm talking to Ferb! Bobbi: I can't help it. You guys have the most intriguing conversations. Phineas rolls his eyes. Phineas: Can you do decarations? Bobbi: Let me think. *pause* ''Check downstairs. ''The group walk down to the living room which is completely furnished with streamers, balloons, confetti, and the furniture is cleared out of the way. Phineas: No need to brag about your vampire skills. Bobbi: I can undo it. Phineas: On second thought, you are very convinient! Bobbi smirks. Bobbi: I thought so. Scene 3 Doorbell rings Phineas: Guess the party starts with... Phineas opens the door Phineas: Isabella! Isabella: Hey Phineas. This looks great! Isabella enters Isabella: Hi Ferb, Jessie. (snottily) Bobbi. Bobbi: Nice to see you too. Jessie: Hey, Izz. How are things goin'? Isabella: Well they were good. Candace (off screen): Is that Jeremy? Candace runs down the stairs and ends up falling down halfway through Phineas: No. Doorbell rings Phineas: But that might be him. Door opens Candace: Jeremy! Candace aggresively hugs the person at the door, unaware that it's Albert instead of Jeremy. When she realizes this, she pulls away very quickly, blushing. Candace: Sorry. Wait a sec! You weren't invited to this party. Albert: Well, technically I wasn't, but-- Stacy: Hi Candace. Candace: How long have you been there? Stacy: Since you hugged my date. Candace: I didn't hug your date! I hugged Albert cause I thought he was Jeremy. Anyway, is your date here? Stacy: Yeah, I kinda just said that. Do you know him? Candace: I don't know, who is he? Stacy rubs her temples in annoyance. Stacy: Candace, Albert is my date! Candace: Wha--? But, why? Why would you date him? He's a major nerd! (To Albert) No offence. Albert: Some taken. Stacy: So what? You're dating a frycook whose cousin is a cowboy. Candace: Hey! Well, you might as well come in. Albert: Candace Flynn. Long time no see. Candace: Yeah, you've got no chance. Doorbell rings Candace opens the door. Baljeet: Hello. Candace: Ugh. Phineas, Buford and Baljeet are here. Irving: I'm here too! The boys walk in. Albert: Irving, what are you doing here? Irving: I could ask you the same thing. Albert: My date invited me. Irving: And who would that be? Stacy walks over. Stacy: That would be me. Irving (whispering to Albert): She is so out of your league. Albert (whispering to Irving): I know, right! Phineas: Hi guys. Baljeet: Hello Phineas. Believe it or not, this is my first party. Phineas: No, I believe it. Baljeet: You told me they wouldn't believe it! Buford: I say a lot of things. Jessie walks up. Jessie: Hey! Buford: H-hi Jessie. Candace: Is that everyone? Phineas: Four, five, six. No, Jeremy still isn't here. I thought you'd notice that. Candace: What? Oh, sorry, I'm still a little dazed from the whole... "Stacebert" thing. Doorbell rings. Door opens. Jeremy: Hey Candace. Candace: Hey Jeremy. I'm so glad you could make it. Jeremy: Yeah, me too. Phineas: Let's get this party started! Scene 4 The party is in full swing. Jessie, pouring a drink, is having a conversation with Buford. Jessie: Nah, I don't think so. Songs who's titles are days of the week usually aren't very successful. Buford: I totally agree. Jessie takes a drink. Jessie: Mmm. This is really good!! Hee hee! Jessie finishes and gets more. Jessie: HEY FERB, YOU GOTTA TRY THIS!! Ferb gives her a thumbs up. Phineas (to Bobbi): No I think it's awesome you have these vamp-- Jessie: HI PHINEAS! Phineas: Hi. Are you okay? Jessie: Okay? I'm better than okay! I've never felt better! Bobbi: I don't think she's okay. Phineas: Really? What makes you say that? Bobbi: Her behavior and the fact that the small fraction of her brain that's not acting so abnormally is saying, "I think that drink had coffee in it." Phineas: Coffee? FERB! Ferb takes a drink of the punch. Bobbi: What's wrong with coffee? Phineas: I've seen it only once before.... Bobbi: What? Phineas: If Jessie or Ferb ever get coffee in their system, it's an express train ticket to crazytown for the next six hours. Bobbi: Ah... Phineas: Jessie and Ferb wouldn't put coffee in the punch. Bobbi, I know what we're going to do today. Bobbi: Yes. Yes you do. Scene 5 Phineas: Hey! Everyone! The guests ignore him. Bobbi: I got this. SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUP! The guests all quiet down and look at Bobbi. Phineas: We're gonna need to interrogate you guys. No big deal, but-- Ferb: LOOK! A LEPRECHAUN! DO THE JIG! Ferb starts dancing the jig. Phineas: Well I think that explains it. So, who wants to go first? The guests continue to start at Phineas and Bobbi. Bobbi: First one to do it gets a cookie. All guests raise their hands. Bobbi: Let's do this. The lights go out. When they come back on, the only light is coming from a strong lamp Bobbi is directing into Candace's face, who is being restrained in a chair from behind by Phineas. Phineas: (Whispering) Really sorry about this, Sis, it was Bobbi's- Candace: One more word, and I will make you wish you had rabid weasels teleported into your skull instead of having a sister. Bobbi: What do you know about the spiking of the punch?! Candace: Nothing. And what makes you think it's spiked? Only Jessie and Ferb are affected and everyone has had some. For all I know, this could be an elaborate prank. Bobbi: I'm not takin' any of that! Now tell me what you know, and there ain't no use in lyin' 'bout it! Phineas (his thoughts): I think Bobbi's taking this whole "bad cop" thing to a weird level. Bobbi (in Phineas' mind): You know I can hear you. And I told you it always makes people confess. Phineas (his thoughts): Can't you just read their minds? Bobbi (in Phineas' mind): Eh, this is more fun. Phineas: Candace, you sure you don't know anything? Candace: Yes! I don't know anything! Bobbi: Ain't that the truth. Let her go. Phineas releases Candace and she runs off. Lights go off. They come back on, the only light coming from a strong lamp Bobbi is directing into Jeremy's face, who is being restrained in a chair from behind by Phineas. Bobbi: Alright, pretty boy, talk! Jeremy: ...Sorry? Bobbi: Were you the one who spiked the punch with coffee?! Jeremy: What, no! What? That doesn't even make any sense! Bobbi: Ah, avoiding the question, eh? You know Phineas and Ferb, everything should make sense to you! Phineas: I wouldn't be surprised if she's scaring you. Someone spiked the punch. Do you know anything about it? Jeremy: No. I was with Candace the whole time and she never left. Bobbi: Alright, release him. Phineas releases Jeremy and he walks off. Lights go off. They come back on, the only light coming from a strong lamp Bobbi is directing into Irving's face, who is being restrained in a chair from behind by Phineas. Irving: There's nothing about her in the book! Bobbi: Shut up, Fanboy. Phineas: Do you know any-- Irving: Ya know, you're holding the interrogations in your living room. Everyone can hear you, and they know what's gonna happen. Bobbi: Oh, well if they know what's gonna happen, then tell us what you know! Shouldn't take long, besides what you know about Phineas and Ferb, there's not much up there, is there? Irving: I'd respond to that, but I'm kinda scared. All I know is that it was a boy... Bobbi: A boy, huh? That could mean it's you know couldn't it? Irving: Why yes, yes it could. Phineas: Is it you? Irving: No, of course not! I know enough about Ferb and Jessie to know that you should keep coffee as far away from them as possible! Bobbi: Let him go, Phin. Phineas releases Irving and he runs off. Lights go off. They come back on, the only light coming from a strong lamp Bobbi is directing into Isabella's face, who is being restrained in a chair from behind by Phineas. Bobbi: Okay, girly, spill it! Isabella is distracted, since Phineas is holding onto her arms. Isabella: Wh-what? Bobbi: Do you know anything about this crime?! Isabella: Well, there's...wait a second, since Irving said a boy did that, why are you interrogating me? Last I checked, I was not a boy. Bobbi: Do not question me, we need all the info we can get! Phineas: (his thoughts) She's got a point. Bobbi: (in Phineas' mind) Shut it! {C Isabella (whispering): She's kinda scaring me. Phineas (whispering): Yeah, well she's a vampire. Scaring people is her job. Isabella (whispering): But I know I'm safe in your arms... Bobbi: I know you know somethin' and there ain't no use in lyin' 'bout it! Spill yo beans. Isabella: Fine. All I know is that one of the guys was missing before the punch was spiked. I'm not sure who... Phineas: Thanks, Izz. That's kin-- Bobbi: No. There's more. Talk! Isabella: Pfft. I'm not scared of you. Bobbi: Okay, we did that whole... ya know thing yesterday, so you don't need to lie. Tell me or he gets it. Isabella: H-he said not to t-tell anyone... Phineas: That's okay. Just tell us what his name started with. Isabella: Buh, buh... Bobbi: Okay, she can go. Phineas releases Isabella. Bobbi: But I got my eye on you. Isabella walks away. Lights go off. They come back on, the only light coming from a strong lamp Bobbi is directing into Albert's face, who is being restrained in a chair from behind by Phineas. Phineas: Albert, I've been meaning to ask you, have you seen the new-- Bobbi: No time for small talk. We've got a mission to accomplish. Albert: Well, hello. I don't believe we've-- Bobbi: What are ya, stupid? I told you guys, no time for chit-chat. Unless you wanna meet a couple of my friends. Albert: Fine. It was B-- Albert falls out of his chair. Bobbi: Phineas, you were supposed to make sure he stays still! Phineas: Okay, first off, in case you haven't noticed, I'm like four feet tall and not very muscular, I could barely hold down Irving. Secondly, that was not me. Albert (from a distance): I wasn't gonna tell them. I wasn't gonna tell them. Bobbi: They're in the kitchen. Let's move. The lights go back on. Phineas and Bobbi run into the kitchen. Phineas' mouth drops open. Phineas: You? Bobbi:...Yeah, kinda saw this comin'. Scene 6 The entire party (with the exception of Ferb and Jessie) enter the kitchen. Candace: I can't believe it's you! Baljeet: I'' didn't even see this coming! Stacy: Oh Albert, you're ''so brave... Uh, I mean, what? Albert quickly crawls to Stacy. Buford: Heh, heh. Uh... how did me and Albert get in the kitchen? Bobbi: Shut it, Buford, the jig is up. Phineas: But why Buford? Sure you've done some bad stuff in the past, but I've never imagined something like this. I thought you... liked Jessie. Oh, and Ferb. Bobbi: That may just be the thing. Phineas: What? Bobbi: I know enough about guys to know that when they like a girl, they try to make them mad. Buford has a flashback of angering Jessie and thinking how cute she looked. Bobbi: Hm, hm. I thought so. Buford: Stay out of my head! Albert: For a--how old are you anyway?--little kid, he's got some grip! Stacy: Oh, honey. Jeremy: Can we get back to the party? Phineas: Sure, why not? The guests return to the living room. Phineas follows them but Bobbi grabs his arm. Phineas: Is there something wrong? Bobbi: No, not like that. But, I think we can avoid the little-- Jessie: CANDACE, YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU DATED JUSTIN BIEBER! (refering to Jeremy) Bobbi: That for the next five and a half hours. Phineas: How? Bobbi: Well, you know in those cheesy vampire movies where a human is biten and a vampire sucks out the venom and the human stays completely unchanged? Phineas: Let's say I do. Bobbi: I think I can suck out the coffee. Phineas: Awesome! Bobbi: Although, there appears to be so much coffee in their blood that it might kill them. Phineas: Oh, well when you put it like that! Why would you suggest it if it might backfire?! Bobbi: Hey, I didn't see you coming up with any bright ideas! Ferb walks in. Ferb: Bobbi, cuh...come wid me. Bobbi takes Ferb's hand as the two walk into the living room. Ferb: See this girl. She, she is so smart. She figured it out. And she's a, a va-- Bobbi slaps her hand over Ferb's mouth. Bobbi: Heh. Continue. Scene 7 The party is over, the guests have left, and there is somewhat of a mess. Ferb: Ugh, what happened last night? Bobbi: Buford put coffee in the punch and you and Jessie drank more than your fair share. Ferb: Why would Buford do something like that? Bobbi: We never found out. Ferb: But can't you read minds? Bobbi:... Hey look, it's Phineas. Heh, heh, (in Phineas' mind) ''Help me. Phineas: Why don't we clean up? ''Everyone grabs a broom as Candace enters. Candace: What a mess! I thought whenever you guys do something the clean-up takes care of itself. Phineas: Well technically, it was your idea. Candace: Hey, the clean-up took care of itself! Phineas turns around to see the living room clean. Ferb: Thanks Bobbi. Phineas: Like I was saying yesterday, no need to brag. Bobbi: And like I ''was saying yesterday, I can undo it. ''Sometime later, Jessie wakes up underneath the table. Ferb is standing over her. Jessie: (Groggy) Ugh...what happened? Ferb: Buford spiked the punch with coffee. Jessie: Why that little...(Raises fist, shakes it for a second, then lets it slump down.) What was I doing? Ferb: (Glancing away) Well...apparently at one point you thought me and you had switched bodies. Jessie: So I thought I was you? Ferb: Yup. Jessie: That's not so bad... Ferb: Jessie, you were running around and complaining at the top of your lungs that you were wearing girl's underwear. Long pause Jessie: (Flops face on floor) Please hit me on the head as hard as you can... Phineas: That kinda already happened. After the underwear incident, you fell on the table and passed out. Jessie: Well that would explain the headache. Bobbi: Man, if that happens to you guys after coffee I'd recommend staying away from Jersey parties. And teen parties. And any parties taking place during and/or after college. Basically, don't go to any parties without supervision. Specifically Ferb and Jessie. Jessie: Thanks for the subtlety. You don't trust us? Bobbi: Well when you put it like that... no, no I don't. Phone rings. Candace: Hello? Oh hi Stacy. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. No. No... I said no! Yes I'm sure. Okay. Okay. Alright, see ya. Candace hangs up. Phineas: What was Stacy talking about? Candace: Oh, just last night. She was wondering if we'd ever have another party like that. Phineas: Please tell me that was what you said no to. While it was fun, it was exhausting. And I think Bobbi got a little carried away. Bobbi: Oh, and it's my fault the only thing the librarian watches is cop shows from the '70's?! Phineas:... I don't even know what that means. Bobbi: Ugh, forget it. Scene 8 Phineas: Oh, there you are Perry. Perry: Gyrururururu. Bobbi: Ya know, maybe we should have another party like that. Jessie: Are you crazy? I'm pretty sure if I left the house, I'd be locked in the wacky hut! Bobbi: Well, yeah, but Phineas and Ferb could create an analyzer or something so that we know if there's coffee in the drink or something before one of you go crazy. Ferb: I like that idea. Candace: As long as we have parties. Besides the coffee thing, that was fun. Phineas: Yeah, I guess. Telephone rings. Phineas: Hello? Hi Mom. Linda: Hi Phineas. Now, I hope you didn't throw a wild party last night. Phineas: No, no. We did not have a wild party. It was a fun get together. Linda: Okay, I trust you. Candace: HOW COME YOU TRUST HIM BUT NOT ME? Linda: How did she hear that? Anyway, we'll be home in a couple days. Phineas: Okay. Bye. Phineas hangs up. Phineas: Who's all for having another party tonight? Candace: ME! Ferb: No. Jessie: No. Bobbi: No. Phineas: I thought you all said that what Bobbi said was a good idea. Ferb, Jessie, and Bobbi: I'm partied out. Candace: I guess I am too. Ferb: Some other time perhaps. The End Category:Fanon Works Category:Dialogue Category:Property of PLAP